My Name Is Codename:Peabrain, My Mission Is Revenge

A HORROR MOVIE A DAY-ATHON KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY-A-THON

Monday, October 15th-Frailty (2001) Written by Brent Hanley Directed by Bill Paxton
Stars Bill Paxton, Matthew McConaughey, Powers Boothe

A man confesses to an FBI agent the story of his family's mission from God to purge the earth of supposed demons masquerading as human beings.

I remember buying this movie from C&R Entertainment Exchange (God rest its soul) when I had a $5 credit and I couldn't find anything else. It's taken me four months to finally get around to watching it, and I wasn't disappointed. It's Billy Pax's directorial debut, and it's pretty fucking solid for his first time in the directing chair for a feature. The story of a father consumed by a holy quest that from the outside looks like the ravings of a religious nut is greatly told and the plot twists are pretty interesting at the conclusion as well (although I would've liked a bit more closure on one issue). The acting is superb and I love me some Billy Pax! FINAL GRADE: A-

Tuesday, October 16th-Club Dread (2004) Written by Broken Lizard Directed by Jay Chandrasekhar
Stars Broken Lizard (Jay Chandrasekhar, Kevin Heffernan, Steve Lemme, Paul Soter, Eric Stolhanske), Bill Paxton, Brittany Daniel

A killer is on the loose at Coconut Pete's famed hedonistic resort of Pleasure Island.

Now, there are those who might dispute the legitimacy of this as a horror film because it's from the same guys who gave us Super Troopers and Beerfest. Well, goddammit, this is my show and I say it counts because while it's a comedy it's definitely a slasher film at its heart. As a horror film, it's nothing new but it's a nice backdrop for some great jokes and hilarious scenes (in particular, a Pac-Man sequence where a dude in a pear costume is hunted down and killed in a hedge maze). It also has Bill Paxton at I dare say his funniest as the Jimmy Buffet mock-up, Coconut Pete. All in all, it's also probably my favorite Broken Lizard movie thus far. FINAL GRADE: B+

Wednesday, October 17th-30 Days of Night (2007) Written by Steve Niles and Stuart Beatty Directed by David Slade
Stars Josh Hartnett, Melissa George, Ben Foster

Vampires stumble onto the town of Barrow, Alaska where night lasts for 30 days and the sun won't come out for a month.

I read the comics immediately when I learned that this movie was coming out and tore through the entire series in roughly two days and was pretty stoked...I was even more stoked when the opportunity to catch an advance screening two days prior to the film's release presented itself. The film was amazing, but the audience apparently thought we were watching Epic Movie or some other laugh-a-thon. Also, the "Oh, shit, don't go into that room" guy was sitting directly behind me. Annoying audience aside, though, the film was pretty tense and surprisingly well paced considering that the comics mainly just deal with the town's remaining few survivors hiding and cowering for all but about the first and last issues and the vampires looked creepy as all fuck. I'll probably try and catch it again without an annoying audience, but regardless, it whipped ass. FINAL GRADE: A-

Thursday, October 18th-Grindhouse presents Planet Terror (2007) Written & Directed by Robert Rodriguez
Stars Rose McGowan, Freddy Rodriguez, Marley Shelton, Michael Biehn, Jeff Fahey, Bruce Willis

When a biochemical weapon is unleashed on the small town of Texas, an ex-go go dancer and mysterious tow truck driver are the survivors' only hope against an army of mindless, savage zombies.

I love just about everything about this film, and it doesn't hurt that I rock a boner for just about anything Robert Rodriguez does. So imagine my pleasant surprise when he tackles a zombie/horror flick! The dialogue is hilarious, the characters are phenomenal (I'm partial to Rodriguez' El Wray and Biehn's Sheriff Hague) and the action sequences are fun to watch. I enjoyed this portion of Grindhouse significantly more than Tarantino's Death Proof, and I think it has everything to do with the fact that Rodriguez wanted to only pay a slight homage to the genre as opposed to just straight up remaking the genre, and that's why Planet Terror stands a little better on it's own. FINAL GRADE: A+

Friday, October 19th-Grindhouse presents Death Proof (2007) Written & Directed by Quentin Tarantino
Stars Kurt Russell, Rosario Dawson, Tracie Thoms, Zoe Bell

A murderous psychopath stalks women in his death-proof stunt car.

It took a second viewing of this film outside of the theater for me not to absolutely despise it. The DVD cut, while a little bit longer, is much more bearable when you have the option of stopping the movie and taking a piss break if you want. Kurt Russell is phenomenal and is pretty much the reason I gave this film a second chance this week. I previously talked about Tarantino's screenplay for From Dusk Till Dawn and how it was free of his typical pop culture junkie laden dialogue and that I liked his work a lot when he avoided doing that sort of thing. Death Proof, however, did not get that memo. While I still enjoy the film, I find that my biggest complaint with it is the tangents about car flicks (Vanishing Point) and the entire barroom sequence with the jukebox seemingly filled with nothing but albums from STAX gets a bit entertaining. I get it, Quentin, you like a bunch of obscure shit that most average people today could give a fuck less about! Also, the feet thing...still kinda creepy. Get over it! But those gripes aside, I was able to enjoy the film much more this time around if for no reasons other than 1) Kurt Russell=fucking badass and 2) I could laugh at Tracie Thoms' jokes because I was able to separate her from her involvement in the film version of RENT. FINAL GRADE: B-